Puzzles & Daydreaming

In the past few days, I have experienced things for the first time, seen things I've never seen before.  It wasn't really the easiest at the moment, and honestly, even at the present.  But keeping the big picture in mind, and not just thinking about this minute, it is good.  It gives me hope.  I know that there is some good out there, and I can find it.

The thing that gets me is that, sometimes, what you want, and what you want now, don't match.  It doesn't make any sense to me how that works.  Its like saying you can put two pieces of the puzzle together, and they fit! Okay, now you have to put them into place with the rest of the puzzle--now they don't fit.  It defys logic.  I am a passionate girl--you'd be kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.  I am passion, but I am smart too.  I am logical.  It mystifies me.

My schedule has not lightened up much.  It is still hectic, and I should be doing something just about every second of the day, but I have found myself not being able to focus on anything! Everything is taking me so much longer to get done.  I can't focus, but the crazy thing is, I can't tell you what in the world I'm thinking about or doing that's occupying all my time.  I will look down at my book, daze out into my own, unknown thoughts, and when I look up, almost two hours have gone by.  That's not good.  I better get some weights strapped to my feet to keep me here in reality.  I don't have time for day dreaming.  Day dreaming gets me into too much trouble.

The Countdown Has Started....Already!

School has kept me wayyyyy too busy for the last month! I'm already counting down the days til the end of the semester is here! I have been so stressed, I am surpirsed I don't have a head of white hair already.  The second semester of the nursing program, the 2 extra classes I'm taking, plus work, is enough to drive anyone insane!

Then you have to remember the need to get some sleep, eat, and not to mention, have a little fun.  I've gotten lunch with Ashley and Bryton and Brylee.  Bryton is still my ray of sunshine on a cloudy, wet day.  Squeeze in some study sessions with friends, dinner with the girls from work, or a bbq here and there, and you have my last 5 weeks.  Well, and then there's my periodic stops at Sinclair.  I've gotten some good advice from Austin.  He is determined that I am not taking care of myself enough.  Crackin some jokes with Trevor.  Feeling like I'm ten years old leaving the hospital with Rylee after our day at clinicals.  Surprise visit from my dad.  A spur of the moment move. Sleep deprivation taking a bigger and bigger toll everyday, and the rush to be at clinicals at 5:45 in the morning, when you wake up at 5:41.

Now, I just need to find time to breathe.

music is what feelings SOUND like

I absolutely love music!  It says things better than I ever could! It expresses my feelings with the words I try to find!  Music will be there to give me hope!  Music is there to put me in a good mood, when nothing else will.  Music is an intricate part of my life- an intricate part of me.

Some songs I can't stop listening to in the past week or so:
       (there is no special order)

• Jaron & the Long Road Home- Pray for You
• Boys Like Girls- Love Drunk
• Gary Allan- Watching Airplanes
• Glee Cast- Hello
• Lady Antebellum- Need You Now
• Jason Mraz- Lucky
• Miley Cyrus- The Climb
• Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars
• Josh Turner- Why Don't We Just Dance
• Josh Turner- Me and God
• Lee Brice- Love Like Crazy
• Parachute- The Mess I Made
• Glee Cast- I Dreamed a Dream
• Carrie Underwood- Undo It
• Vega 4- Life is Beautiful
• Snow Patrol- Run
• Switchfoot- 24
• Ingrid Michaelson- Keep Breathing
• Jon Mclaughlin- Close
• Glee Cast- To Sir, With Love
• Josh Turner- Soulmate
• Jarod Niemann- Lover, Lover
• B.o.B.- Airplanes
• Luke Bryan- Rain is a Good Thing
• Muse- Uprising
• Ke$ha- Your Love is My Drug

I know its a lot.  Would you believe me that this was me cutting it down???  Well it was! It was hard for me to even narrow it down to this!  Have I said I love music? 

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole. flows from heaven to the soul."

Reflecting, Inspiration, Work

The past few days I've done a lot of reflecting- thinking about what I want, where I am, where I want to be.  I realized that I have so far to go, but no worries, I'm on my way, and I will get there.  Yeah it might sound cheesy and cliche, but you know it doesn't make it any less true.

Lately, I have felt like spending all day with art.  I just want to draw all the time.  The only problem I can't find anything that I want to draw. I have no ideas, no inspiration, on what to do.  The other day, I got out all my art stuff, but sat there for ages trying to figure out what to do.  Yeah, I never came up with anything. I gotta find something, some sort inspiration, cuz its driving me crazy!

I am back to the real world of work, clean, work, sleep, and work some more.  It is ok though, because I need to earn the money! money, money, money.  There never seems to be enough.  Boy I can't wait until the end of the year, when I can actually start making some real money!

False Hopes

Have you ever built something up in your mind even though you tell everyone, even yourself, that you're indifferent, that it doesn't matter, that you aren't expecting anything?  In reality you have these high hopes buried deep down inside but you refuse to admit and acknowledge?  But then it hits you like a ton of bricks when you realize that they were all false?  I'm doing just that- trying to crawl out of an avalanche of bricks. Hopefully it makes me wiser, stronger, more determined.  And not dumber and more skittish.  Wise. Stong. Determined. Say it again. Wise. Strong. Determined.

we could RUN away

For the past few weeks, I feel like all I have done is work.  And if I'm not working, then I'm trying to catch up on sleeping.  I need as many work hours as I can get, but this is also supposed to be my summer BREAK.  Its not much of a break.  I just feel really drained.  The cherry on top, my favorite resident (patient) at work died.  I was the only one working at the time.  I had to be the one to clean her and get her ready for her family to see.  It was good she passed on, but I didn't want to see her after she'd gone.  I actually have more than one day off this week, so I am going to try and have some fun, relax, and have some "me" time.  I have decided to run away for the next couple days!


I was just going through some pictures this morning, and I realized I have squeezed in some laughs even though I'm becoming more of a work-a-holic everyday, and am completely exhausted.  Whether it is making wonderful birthday cakes, hitting a midnight movie and a late night birthday bash after work, putting up some room decorations in my room before bed and going to sleep feeling content,  impressing people with my mad bowling skills, or sitting in the back of a theater laughing at the movie or counting down the minutes til its over with a friend. I have to remember those little things that make me smile through out the week!

Oh good news of week.  I actually went grocery shopping for the first time in over 3 weeks! yesss. I actually have a little something to eat now when I'm home.

And So It Begins...

I have been so busy, I haven't even thought of my blog! So there's a lot to catch up on and to say.

Its summer time! I'm out of school. Working as many hours as I can.  Playing with Bryton and Brylee for much longer than I ever plan.  Going to Lake Powell for the weekend.  Meeting new people in the most random or unexpected times, and hitting it off.  Hitting the gym (including at 5:45 am to do zumba :D ahaha) Laying out and swimming in order to keep cool in the 105 degree weather.  Yep, its definately summer time!

On top of working and being at the pool, I have caught up with some old friends I hadn't talked to in too long.  It has been so nice.  Whether we've gone out and hit the town, or simply sent a little text, its nice to have them involved in my life again.

I love my new place.  I have my own room, although lacking in decoration and "Chelsea-ness", I love it.  It is a place I love to go to inorder to relax after a long day, to retreat to after a hard day, or simply to catch a little cat nap (which I admit I have been doing a little too often for my own good).

I was able to see Nightmare on Elm Street at a midnight showing (which i've decided was the most amazing and the scariest movie of all time), I went to Disneyland, and got to spend some good "quality" time shopping with Lex.

I recently got home from a weekend at Lake Powell.  It was my first time there, and it was fun! It went by way too fast! But maybe that was a good thing, considering I'm still a little sore from it. haha. It was gorgeous there, and it was a good escape from the day to day life.  I got some good sun in that weekend. Even though I lathered on sunscreen all day long, I still came home a good few shades darker.  In fact, the first time Ashley saw me after Powell, she said I am now dark enough to pull off being Mexican since I have brown hair now. Haha It was quite a funny!

But the summer has just started!  Who knows what summer has in store for me, but here's a few things I would like to see happen yet this summer:
- find my favorite place to hike
- vist home and be a host
- go to the beach
- Twilight, New Moon, and then see ECLIPSE
- Finish putting my "Chelsea" touches in my room
- have a picnic
- float down the river
- be taken on an amazing & creative date!