life's candy and the sun's a BALL OF BUTTER

Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade

Spring break was long, but not long enough.  I was really able to enjoy myself.  I spent time with family, saw a friend for the first time in over 2 years, got my car, spent time with friends, and I got to relax.  But things are starting back up again.  School, clinicals, work.

Hey, Mister Armstein, here I am.

I am ready to finish clinicals.  I am ready to finish up my classes.  I am loving my friends.  I am loving how comfortable I feel.  I am ready for summer to begin.  The summer sun full of summer fun.  I am ready for summer nights, even more fun.  Nothing's gonna hold me back.

Nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain on my parade

It's surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time.

Spring break has finally come.  No school. No work.  I'm free!

Or so I had thought.

I came back home to California for my car, to see my family, and to get a little bit of the wonderful California sun, but I am not free.  The moment that I hit the city line, it all starts coming back to me.  Every mile, another memory.  Everything that I have forced from my mind, and assumed I'd forgotten, hit me like it happened yesterday.  Things I thought had no importance, suddenly sent my head spinning.  My memory held onto the unnoticed things.  The things I would have never considered important were searing through my mind.

So I take this as a sign.  A sign that what I used to find comforting is no longer there, for I now find pain.  My safe harbor no longer exists, for it now causes harm.  My place of serenity has vanished, for it is now a place of confusion.

I'm on my way.  I've picked up the pieces.  I just have to put them back together--find the right place to put each piece.  I'm going to surround myself with people who will help me do that.  I'm on my way.

I have learned its not a matter of avoidance or forgetting, but of learning, growing, moving on, and demanding what I deserve--don't settle for the mistreatment I've experienced before.  I'm not going to be the same girl I was before, because it has permanently changed me.  I have learned from it, and I can't unlearn.  I don't want to unlearn what this life lesson has taught me.  In the end, I will find a new safe harbor- a new place of serenity.  I will go to sleep comforted and assured, in the end.

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

Roller-coaster Week

Last weekend I was able to see my fabulous sister play some volleyball in her Las Vegas tournament.  It was great to see her, especially in her element, where she stands out and shines above the rest.  I was stuck sleeping on the rollaway bed-which I preferred to call it the cup, so the sleep wasn't too good, but still worth it.  That weekend, I also realized that I had some good roommates.  I could feel the love even from an hour and half away! :)

I have met some friends in the last week, which is always desirable! :)  I still don't know too many people here in St. George, but I find myself feeling quite at home, and enjoy it- most days.   I am making the effort to not be so shy.  I think I have some people fooled.

My group gave their presentation in Med/Surg this week....and we DOMINATED! haha I am happy to have it over with, but I still think that we pulled off a good presentation, even with one member not showing up.  I am expecting a good grade, which is always nice.

Dani and I found the most amazing town home.  We want to live in it soooooo badly! We are keeping our fingers crossed that it is still on the market when our contract at our current place starts to wrap up.  It is an amazing place! And I could totally feel 100% at home there.  I absolutely love it! Hopefully no one else feels as strongly about it, that way me and Dani can live there!

I sold my Civic.  So it will be time to say good bye to the old lady!  I think getting it sold made my week.  It is such a comfort knowing i'm gonna have all that cash handed to me.  But I did not expect to feel any sadness seeing that blue babe go.  But  I guess after all, we have been through a lot.  Learning to drive, my driver's test, packed with friends going off campus for lunch, boy time, going to college, nights of tears, and so much more.  That car has survived a lot and seen so much of my life.  But my new baby will get to see so much more! :)

3 CHEERS for the Weekend!

I have had a good, but busy week.  I bought a car- 2010 Mazda 3.  I had to deal with the confusion and stress of Fedex delivering my papers to the wrong apartment complex.  I pulled 2 all nighters because of work, in the middle of the school week.  I also had 2 tests to take this week, along with doing my nursing skill pass offs, so I can start clinicals next week.

So much busy work, and so many late nights.  Some my choice, some not.  I would be so drained and miserable, but I have a fun roommate/ best person to hang with.  We can be doing absolutely nothing, but laugh so hard that I swear I'm gonna wake up with washboard abs.  We can be something random and spur of the moment, but still wind up getting it on video, or at least getting pictures of it.

My week has been busy, but now the weekend is here!  No classes (still have some hw, but i can do that anytime, anywhere, and wearing pjs if I want).  Sleeping in.  Time to go on nice runs.  Having fun with friends.  Movies.  Time to simply live, laugh, and be me.

Lessons Learned

So pretty much I've had quite a couple weeks.  It's been eventful, boring, busy, and exciting.  I have had hard times.  I have had fun times.  Like I said, quite a couple of weeks.

I have learned:

1) Your entire day can change in an instant.
2) Roommates can make things better, or make things worse.
3) You can never know some one too well.
4) I am apparently not that nice of a person.
5) I hate stereotypes.
6) My gut is always right
7) I need to listen to my gut, and not let myself get in my own way.
8) Life is hard.
9) What comes around doesn't always go around.
10) I need to expect the unexpected.

***New Moon***

     Yeah that's right, New Moon!  Me, Ashley, and Lex all went to see it when we got together during Thanksgiving time.  We all had matching Edward shirts and we looked amazing wearing them, too! lol The movie was great, and we had fun.  I think the best part of the movie, was Alexa's commentary.  As she hears girls screaming and hollering for Jacob/Taylor Lautner, she leans over and says, "I don't get why they're screaming.  I just want to throw up!"  It was great.  Made my day!  Mom and Ro watched Bryton and Brylee for Ashley so she could go.  Not like they would ever complain about that!

Christmas Party

So Lacie, from work, was on "party patrol" as she would call it.  She MADE sure I was going to the work Christmas party.  It was pretty fun- different from what I was expecting.  I went home with a $20 gift card for walmart (my groceries), a digital picture keychain thing, Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince on DVD, and a package of popcorn.  Pretty sweet stuff for just showing up.  Lacie had to document the Christmas Party.  So here we are: Lacie, Richard, Me, and Becca!